What If Perfect Dreams Lay Hidden
by Sev-chan
Summary: Sometimes love is pursued recklessly and dreams aren't always clear to you as you wish, HaruXKYo fic Haru Pov my first so be gentle. Kinda short and someone dies I wont tell u who but it should be obvious.
1. WarningDisclamier!

Warning and Disclaimer  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own, Don't sue, Don't flame!  
  
Warning: Ok death fic if you don't like the thought of your fave character dying don't read I wont tell you who dies but if you get mad or something don't flame me unless it's for my bad grammar and spelling like always.  
  
It's Yaoi Hatsuharu and Kyo,  
  
This fic at least to me falls under angst, tragedy,  
  
The fic is pretty much in Haru's POV this is one of the first for me so be gentle and definite LEMON in here!! You've been warned!!! (It should be lemon at least I tried to make it lemon)  
  
And Obvious AU 


	2. What If Perfect Dreams Lay Hidden?

What If Perfect Dreams Lay Hidden?  
  
Most people call it fate, some call it destiny, others a tragedy, but.....I call it my life. It started out simple enough I lived in a small town, just not small enough. You hear people talk whenever you step into a room.  
  
"That's him," they whisper.  
  
"Can you believe it?" I hear.  
  
"How can he live with himself?" it's always the same.  
  
I don't mind it I've learned to deal with it. What is it you might ask, I'll tell you....it's a person living in this world who has no right to pretend everything is ok with him or his life.  
  
I was young, curious, as most kids are, hell even forgetful, easily lost in this world to big for one to dream in. A funny thing is that you think once you're older you'd grow out of all your childhood habits. Then again you do such stupid things in your teenage years, but what I did I don't consider stupid. I call it love, hope and a way out of pain.  
  
I was about the age seventeen, my love or my soon to be love a year older than I. And the days I spent with him will forever remain in my mind, heart, body, and soul. For it is so clear it's like it only happened minutes ago, and I can still feel the tears from in my eyes.  
  
It was a crisp November day, I was lost like most times in my life and not just physically, but mentally as well. As my feet taped lightly on the pavement as I walked I could only let my mind wonder. Should I give up on the one I longed to touch for so long? Then that's when it hit me, I may want him, but he only wishes for her to remain in his life. That's when I ran into someone.  
  
THUD  
  
"Shit!"  
  
That's what I get for getting lost in thought I guess, did I transform, I hope not. I open my eyes; I hadn't realized that I automatically shut them on impact.  
  
"Kyo what are you doing out so late in the day?" I asked.  
  
"Nothing now mind your own damn business you stupid cow!" That hit a nerve.  
  
Kyo always seemed to be yelling, I'm not even sure if he ever spoke in a soft voice, well except for maybe around Tohru or about her that is. From what I've seen.........and speak of the devil, not in literal terms.  
  
"Ah Tohru a pleasure to see you and Yuki anything involving you is a pleasure" I say.  
  
"Uhh......nice to see you too Hatsuharu" said Tohru.  
  
"Is something wrong you seem worried"  
  
"It's nothing trust me it's just that dumb cat starting problems like always," stated Yuki in his ever present calm voice.  
  
"So that's why he just ran past in such an unpleasant mood"  
  
"I think I should to talk to him" Tohru worries too much.  
  
"Miss Honda it's ok I'm sure that idiot will calm down," said Yuki with a hint on agitation.  
  
"I feel like it was my fault" but that's Tohru's personality.  
  
"Don't blame yourself, it's his temper, he needs to learn to control himself" said Yuki in a nonchalant voice.  
  
"Can I ask what happened?" Why do I even ask when it's these three together in public?  
  
"Well you see Shigure asked me to go get some food since we were running low and Yuki and Kyo both offered to go with me and well while we were in the store they started arguing, but I'm not sure about what and then I put the groceries down and............oh no I forgot the groceries in the store!!" but before Yuki could offer to go back and get them Tohru had managed to run off.  
  
"She's pretty fast for a girl," remarked Yuki as we watched her run off, the girl's crazy.  
  
"If she doesn't slow down she's gonna trip" One could only hope, don't get me wrong, Tohru the great guarantied to be a friend when needed, but things happen and opinions change and so has Yuki.  
  
"I hope not" great he's worrying for her. I wonder if I broke my neck would anyone care besides Tohru, probably not.  
  
"So what was it you and Kyo were fighting about or should I say over" Tohru, Tohru, Tohru is it me or do I sound a bit jealous that his objects of intimate affection lay else where?  
  
Oh god I wonder if I acted more like Tohru would he like me, actually he'd probably think I'm on some kind of drug. I'd be begging for forgiveness every two seconds tripping on the stairs, chocking on rice, leave water running wait I've done that besides I think my personality is just as bad as hers, just not as optimistic.  
  
"I'd rather not talk about anything involving that stupid cat and lame excuse for a human being" If you ask me Yuki's become a bit outspoken. I know Kyo still calls him a damn rat and has made comments about his girlish figure, wait did I just say that, anyway but I've never really remembered him calling Yuki a lame excuse for a human being. I honestly don't feel the same way about Yuki anymore, truth be told I kinda always liked Kyo, but I really didn't see him as I saw Yuki back then, sure he could be nice and soft-spoken but.... Kyo's always struck me as the strong, aggressive, and innocent type if that makes much sense I guess what I'm trying to say is that he's strong, but so clueless about the social habits of teenagers and adults.  
  
"Fine, tell Tohru I said bye" and I walked off I really didn't feel like being around him while he was with Tohru. It made me sick thinking about how he use to act and how he is now. I managed to find a nice park that was deserted, considering that it's night it would be empty I just wanted to be alone for a while. As luck would have it I wasn't alone, after about five minutes of staring off into nothingness I heard some choice curse words and that hiccup/coughing/sniffing sound you get when you're in the middle of calming yourself down from crying. And of all the people to see I saw the one person I figured would never once shed a tear for anything, someone I thought of as strong and occasionally tolerant.  
  
"Kyo" I heard myself whisper before I could stop myself, he was leaning on a tree that he must have been punching before I got there. His hands were covered in blood much like the trunk of the tree he leaned against.  
  
"How long have you been standing there?" he asked in a low voice he never even lifted his head when he spoke, like he was afraid I'd find out he'd been crying, too late for that.  
  
"Just barely" I could hardly hear myself so I thought he hadn't heard, but I guess he did.  
  
"'S a fucking lie, how long?!" he was yelling now, but still didn't lift his head. I swear I could see tears slowly rolling off his checks and descending to the ground by his feet, he was shaking now, either because he was trying to suppress the tears or because he was cold.  
  
"I swear on my life that I just got here damnit!" oh great now I was yelling if it keeps going like this I'll go black oh him and lord help both of us, he's already set to kill and I have no idea what happens when I turn to black for support, that's my fucking handicap.  
  
"Fine then leave" he was starting to sink to the ground it was at that point I knew that I was attracted to him, I had fallen in love. Not just part of him but all of him, the part of him he did show and the one he kept hidden, it was that innocence in him peeking out, and he didn't know what to do I think that it scared him; that he started to panic and lost control of his emotions and let them spill out.  
  
"No" I said firmly I don't know what I was going to accomplish with that, he didn't say anything though I did wait for something anything, but all he did was sit with his knees pulled up to his chest and arms folded over them with his head resting on his arms. There are moments in your life you can no longer pretend you're invincible, it's the moment when the pain becomes too much to handle and the burden of it becomes too much to carry. I stepped through the bushes in front of Kyo and stood there for a second till finally I did something I never thought I'd do. I grabbed Kyo, pulled him up, into my arms and just held him. Didn't try to squeeze him to death or some kind of new sumo wrestler move, just wrapped my arms around him and lightly rocked in place. Then we just sat there in the park on the bench I was on earlier where we sat till the sun came up. I had stayed up the entire night just watching him sleep while I whispered bits of a sad song that always made me relax and fall to sleep.  
  
"Mmm...Master let me sleep a little longer" I couldn't help but smile he must have been having a good dream, I cant believe I stayed up this long with out........  
  
In my dream I remembered being at a funeral I'm not sure who's and Kyo was no where to be found, but I'd expect it from him if he didn't have to come then just don't show up. Tohru was there Yuki was comforting her even Master was there everything seemed so dark and gray with all the black I looked in a mirror only to see red eyes and messed looking hair like I hadn't slept for days and by the end of the dream I didn't see anything, but the sun hitting the casket as it was placed into the soil that's when I heard it the sounds of rocks, marbles,......beads hitting the ground before I had time to look up the sun blurred my vision of someone jumping out of the tree and falling through the casket like a ghost.  
  
"Haru?"  
  
"Hm.....?"  
  
"Get your damn arms off of me!" well if I wasn't awake then I was at that point, I looked down and noticed that I had fallen asleep with my arms wrapped around Kyo and we both laid across the whole bench with little kids staring at us both, couldn't blame them seeing two boys asleep on a bench with one's arms thrown over the over, definitely something to stare at.  
  
"Why the hell couldn't you just leave me alone?!" there he goes on with his daily yelling.  
  
"Because you were cr.....upset and I didn't want to just leave you there" I didn't feel the need to bring up the fact that he was crying at least not in public that is.  
  
We didn't talk for the rest of the walk through town; I just walked slowly by his side wondering if it was a bad idea to suddenly just switch your objects of desire. Lets see fond of Yuki in love with Kyo, right great switch. It wasn't till we got to the forest part of the walk that we started talking again. He told me not to tell anyone what happened and that we met up on the walk there, I'm not quite sure what he was worried about. Maybe it was the fact I kept trying to hold his hand in fact I think he got exactly what was going through my mind at that moment. Just for reference we never officially said we were going out we just ended up always being together after that and sometimes we'd take off on our own and not come back for days although I do think Shigure and Yuki realized what was going on but neither said anything, to Yuki it would be one of those last obstacles out of his way. Poor Tohru always in the dark sometimes I think she's about as smart as I am.  
  
Both of us managed to save up enough money to go to a hot spring out of town and away from anyone who knew us, the place was quite and private very tasteful and could care less about your love life as long as you paid. With in the time Kyo and I managed to spend together we became how can I put this.......very intimate, sexually. In fact we did it a lot I think I realized that are relationship was more then just love it was about sex. That feeling you get once you've done it once will either get you hooked or never want to do it again, our first time together like that was very awkward considering neither of us had much experience in this filed of pleasure, but I figured if kissing a guy was anything like kissing a girl this couldn't be that much different and I'm not saying I had any experience to begin with, but when you're in a bookstore you tend to get curious and well yeah. Needless to say we were pretty comfortable wearing nothing in front of each other by that time. Everything with him was always hot and I couldn't help the ways he made me feel during and after. Yeah he was on top, but on occasion I got to be dominate.  
  
In the beginning our hands were constantly roaming the others body trying to memorize what made the other person twitch, moan, and squirm in pleasure, whenever the other would whimper and beg you knew you found their weak point in this game. Our tongues were always searching the cavern known as a mouth. Kisses became more then just sweet endearments and turned into sparing contests for once again dominance I guess two stubborn males wasn't helping much when no one wanted to fall into submission. And finally the rest of our anatomy came into play; neither of us could forget that feeling of first completion like we were finally whole, that's when we couldn't stop. That feeling always left you feeling empty when it wasn't happening, but resting in his arms afterwards always made up for that feeling in one way or another.  
  
We finally told Tohru that we were seeing each other that is when she burst into tears because she thought Kyo was trying to avoid her after the grocery shopping incident. She's probably been worrying herself sick over that for quite sometime now since the last time she actually sat and spoke to Kyo was about a month and a half ago, I found it quite hilarious, and Kyo didn't. I didn't get anything that night, I actually went home and Akito wanted to speak to me, in my head I remember saying nothing good could come from this, I had the feeling he knew that Kyo and I were doing more then just 'kicking it' with each other. I sat there waiting for Akito to say something while I stared into the dark abyss of his room where I sat in the middle contemplating my master escape, my plan was to seep through the floor and rematerialize on the outside of the door. But I guess I didn't get that sort of power now did I, no the only thing I can do is turn into a cow, great much help that will be.  
  
"Haru I understand that you and Kyo have become quite close to one another" what was he getting at?  
  
"Yes" was I allowed to speak? If I could see him he probably ripped one of those creepy smiles and lifted an eyebrow.  
  
"You wouldn't lie to me would you?" I could hear his footsteps as he walked closer to me I shook my head and remembered it was dark in there.  
  
"No" I felt his slender hands grab hold of my chin and lift my head so that I was looking at him directly in the face it was one of the most horrific moments of my life, he was smiling not just any smile, but a smile that clearly said I know exactly what's going on but I wont say it unless you do, it literally sent chills down my spine.  
  
"Good, I want you to listen carefully to what I'm saying, are you listening?" his casual tone is unnerving and he's still got my eyes locked to his and I know mine are wide I nod my head because I know he can feel the movement, but I still say yes.  
  
"I refuse to condone what's going on between you and that vile creature, if you continue to see him I swear you'll regret the choice and wish you'd never see him nor hear his name again, do I make myself clear?" why is he asking is what I don't understand. Does he want me to say no, I don't understand, so he can throw something at me?  
  
"Yes" I whisper but he acts like he didn't hear me and wants me to repeat myself "Yes I understand" I walk down the halls and stand outside by myself I couldn't believe he wanted me to abandon the only great thing in my life. It started snowing, but I could care less so I stand there for hours till I couldn't feel my feet and just stared as the small bits of heavens clouds fall around me, the next thing I knew everything went black a quite black. It was that dream again the one where there's a funeral going on I still don't get it I saw Tohru and Yuki again, this time Hatori and Shigure outside smoking, I noticed Kagura got extremely emotional while the casket was being lowered, like she wanted to jump in with it. I looked up again remembering that the last time I saw something fall into it and there it is again that sound whatever it was fell into the dirt being tossed onto the coffin I see it that bright light as the object falls I dive for it I closed my eyes on impact when I opened them I saw Hatori towering over me. I must have passed out in the snow wonder how long I've been out.  
  
"Hatori?" he glances at me then grabs something out of his black bag and a glass of warm tea and hands it to me he watches me swallow them then tells me to open my mouth to stick a thermometer in, wait, he looks at his watch for who knows how long then pulls it out looks at it then shakes it and puts it back in the bag, is he even gonna wash that?  
  
"Your fever went down, but it's best if you stay in bed for a while."  
  
"How long have I been out" I got to ask my question.  
  
"Two days you had a high fever then it went down, but it's still best to rest more."  
  
"Has Kyo called?" why did I ask.  
  
"I told him you had a cold and that you might be contagious, so he should just wait till you're better" all I wanted was a yes or no answer, now I couldn't tell if Hatori called Kyo or vice versa.  
  
"Oh ok" it was the most boring three days of my life I laid in bed drank tea and ate some strange soup Kyo brought over, they wouldn't let him see me. I did get to listen to Momiji talk a lot and tell a bunch of stories he knew. It kind of made me think if these people could care less of what others said and thought so could I and I definitely know Kyo wouldn't give a damn what Akito wanted and any threats he threw at us he'd ignore, so I knew what I wanted, as soon as I got better I'd go talk to Kyo and tell him.  
  
"And that's why Kyo and Yuki were arguing." finished Momiji.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Oh come on Haru weren't you listening?"  
  
"I was, but I didn't catch it all can you repeat it?"  
  
"Well I was at school talking to a friend..."  
  
"No about why Yuki and Kyo were arguing."  
  
"Oh well from what I heard Kyo told Tohru how he felt, but she told him she didn't see him in that way and that she was sorry, then he said "fine forget I ever said it and don't feel sorry for how you feel" then Yuki put in his two cents and they got into an argument and Kyo ended up storming out and Tohru ran after him thinking it was her fault and Yuki was right behind her." Momiji looked at Haru's face then heard someone call him so he left.  
  
So she had shot him down and he was obviously hurt to the point he was crying, but things seemed ok with them now. Kyo manages to smile, but only in front of Tohru. I guess I should be happy that he can still share things with her, I think I liked it better when she was worrying he hated her.  
  
"Haru?" oh look who finally managed to stop by.  
  
"Hey Kyo" god was it great to hear his voice again; I miss it so much now.  
  
He crawled into the bed with me and laid down next to me and fell asleep I knew I couldn't be rebound for him, he wrapped his arms around me it felt so great to feel his chest pressed against my back. I could feel his heart beat a million miles a minute with each rise and fall of his torso, I could have died happy at that moment in time. This warm heat built up inside of me and I knew I wanted deeper into his embrace, the one I missed so much and longed for now.  
  
By the time we both woke up our limbs were tangled and I was facing him with my arms also wrapped around him. Our lips almost touched so I did the only thing my fog filled brain could think to do, I kissed his soft lips then a flash went off, I don't mean the kind you get when every touch and caress from a lover will send electricity down your spine I mean the kind from a camera. Low and behold Kyo awoke and we both looked over his shoulder only to see Shigure taking pictures of us both, babbling about how cute we looked sleeping and Kyo did what was plain instinct to him, yell. Needless to say both Shigure and I got an ear-full of Kyo's loud voice, which I preferred when we slept together. That was something defiantly first on my to do list, not to make Kyo yell, but scream out in ecstasy or him me.  
  
Eventually I took off with Kyo to our spot to where we always went when we wanted to be alone and get intimate.  
  
We started kissing eyes closed, my hands slid down the length of his body and back up around his neck and shoulder I loved how he tasted warm and sweet. Sweat quickly started to shine on our skin, I undid his shirt as he undid mine and if you thought that was too much excitement for someone who just got over being sick you were about to find out how much more I could take in this state. I started to let my lips wonder as he removed my necklaces, I was nipping at the junction between his neck and shoulder with my teeth and licked wherever I bit. It drove him wild and his cries only seemed to spur me on more this was my heaven, in his arms touching bear skin against bare skin it set me on fire. I let him work for a while as I kicked my boots off and managed to work his off too as he played with the earrings in my ear, I swear its the most amazing feeling in the world I couldn't help but get hard at the surges of electricity jolting through me. I loved running my fingers through his hair it was the softest thing in the world to touch, somehow I ended up on bottom I could care less at that moment in time I just wanted him inside me at that point. He was using whatever we had as a lubricant I could feel his finger push inside he had my legs propped up on his shoulders as he pushed in another digit god this was like one of the most torturing feelings you could have, after he was done with preparing me, shit that was sending shivers down my spine. I figured out what he was using to lubricate himself my semen; obviously I didn't realize that jolt electricity earlier was me reaching that point. Speaking of which he slowly started to push in. It still amazes me that something that big could fit in there, but hey as long as it felt good I have no problems with it in the least, honestly I just wanted him to ram in, he was always like this slow though I guess once he got started it made up for it all. Finally he was all the way in he waited a few minutes before continuing, he pulled out almost all the way and pushed back in, out, in, out, in......then he hit that pleasure spot within me and god did it feel good. But it still didn't feel like he was deep enough my legs eventually fell to Kyo's waist and wrapped them around good, in an attempt to go deeper. Soon I found myself with my arms around his shoulders and him fully supporting me, I could feel my own arousal rubbing against us between both our bodies. Kyo was now constantly hitting that spot and all I could see was light, bright light I shut my eyes tight; it was all too much for me I reached that point and came, Kyo a little after. I was set comfortably on the blanket on the grass, I remember Kyo pulling the other blanket over us and we fell asleep I was warm and content.  
  
That was the last time I remember having that dream from before I walked outside and Ayame was talking to Momiji, Kisa, and Hiro while Ritsu and his parents did their usual apologies for not being there sooner. Turned the corner there was Tohru crying Yuki right next to her he even looked sad. There was Shigure and Hatori now I was outside while the casket was being lowered still Kyo was no where in sight Kagura crying, I looked up the same light blinding me as the sound comes from no where and the thing falling. Caught the exact same way, I finally got a good look at what was in my arms, it was Kagura's cat backpack all beaten and dirty I looked at the coffin and my eyes widened.  
  
"Kyo!" I shot up from my sleep and looked to my side just to see Kyo sleeping I couldn't help but hold him close I had no idea what my dream had meant then, but it scared me just the same as a nightmare would a child.  
  
When Kyo woke up I didn't tell him about my dream, but I did tell him about taking all the money we had and leaving and what Akito had said. He agreed with me and my plan to leave town and live together without telling anyone till we got there and settled in. It was a great plan we packed as much as we could carry in one bag and met up in town every thing was going well, as it was suppose to. We made our way across the cold roads safely and were heading for the bus station I was so happy, we were going to be happy together in another town and living together in an apartment.  
  
That's when my plan and our dreams came to a crashing end neither of us were expecting that black car to pull out of no where and the worst thing in the world to happened. You see that's when I figured out something about life, it's like a dream you can never escape and brings you pain, and never wanting to return, but always do.  
  
In a blur of black and white much like my personality Kyo had stepped out into the road and the next thing I know I'm on the ground next to his body trying to hold up his head in my lap I couldn't help it that was my breaking point. All I remember was seeing Akito step out of the black car and I snapped, my eyes dilated and everything went black. I woke up a few days later in the hospital strapped to the bed. Found out I tried to kill Akito I broke his arm from what I heard, and Kyo........had died when the paramedics got there. After hearing that I didn't speak for almost two years, I was admitted to.....a actually I'm not sure, it's one of those places you go for rehab I guess. I had to see a physiatrist or something like that and had to go to therapy which didn't do much good, finally I started talking again I stayed there for at least five years. Eventually I was released back to the world I once knew, which seemed to have changed so much, nothing was going to be the same and I knew it. Whenever I go to town people stare who remember me, I really do wish I could remember what happens when I go black like that, I was happy though Shigure gave me those pictures he took those some odd years ago I always keep them with me.  
  
It's December now, almost eight years later and I'm still here I don't cry at night anymore I ran out of tears years ago. I constantly walk in a daze remembering how it was with Kyo, that's what I've been doing for the past five hours now standing in the snow that I once described as bits of heavens clouds. I guess it was time to pursue love recklessly and slowly fall towards ecstasy.  
  
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A/N: Has anyone ever heard that one song Unwell by Matchbox 20 I swear every time hear that song I think of Hatsuharu well anywho, at first this was just going to be a short song fic based on Haru, but this is how it turned out. Now I beg of you don't get mad because people died, I swear I didn't plan it, it just happen. I've actually been working on this for about months now and is it just me or was it a bit short; o well please review and if you've read Imperative expect it soon.  
  
Sev-chan (^_^)---@ 


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